How to Be Funny (Like Me)

Here’s a great prank you can play on somebody in a parking lot. I do this all the time. Walk around the parking lot and check out all the registration stickers on people’s license plates. Find one that has the this month’s number listed on it (for example, January would be 1, February is 2, March corresponds to 3, April is represented by a 4, May has a 5 as its signifier, June is capably denoted with a 6, July is brought to glorious life with a simple 7, August finds its proud numeric face in the noble 8, September’s legacy will forever live on in the ominous loop and hanging thread of the 9, and as Nana Deedle used to say, “if the number is 10, it’s October you’re in,” the bitter dread of November pulls itself from the ether and reaches skyward in despair through the twin spires of the 11, and so on). If you see someone who’s registration is due this month, try playing this joke on them: Tell them “Happpy Birthday.” They’ll be completely surprised, floored and taken aback, because how could you - some stranger in a parking lot - know when their birthday is? (Remember? it's from looking at their registration sticker, but only you and I aware of that little secret ). They’ll say “thanks” and maybe their day will be brightened a little. Or possibly they’ll say, “My birthday was like three weeks ago” and you can say, “How the fuck am I supposed to know when your birthday is, asshole?”