Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Profiles in Local Courage: A NewsNetwork 10 Exclusive.

ARCHER STERLING: Good morning, and welcome to the Early Edition of NewsNetwork 10 News: Your first source for local news, from Napiersburg to Ditmer Lake and throughout the tri-county region. NewsNetwork 10: Where more people get the news that matters, first. Updates every hour, and traffic and weather on the 5s and 9s. Along with Kelly LaMonica, I’m Archer Sterling, of course. Good Morning, Kelly.

KELLY LAMONICA: Good Morning, Archer. Can you believe the weather out there this morning?

ARCHER: Ha ha, you’re not kidding! But on a much more serious note, we’re joined this morning by Kyle Baldridge, a man that many are calling…a hero. Good morning, Kyle.

KYLE: Good Morning.

ARCHER: First thing’s first, Kyle. I’ve just got to ask you: What do you think of our new digs here?

KYLE: Um, it’s nice.

ARCHER: The designers say that it’s supposed to feel residential, but if you ask me, I think it’s a little too Oprah-y.

KELLY: Now don’t you start on this again. (laughs)

ARCHER: All right, all right. Now, Kyle, My producer tells me that up until now, you’ve been very reluctant to talk to the media about your heroic role in the tragic Wilson Road Arby’s fire. What made you change your mind? Did you get caught up in the excitement of being on television? It can be quite a thrill – and obviously I would know.

KYLE: I wanted to honor the memories of those who lost their lives in the fire. I lost four of my coworkers that day, four of my friends. They were truly some of the greatest people I’ve ever known.

ARCHER: There’s no question that it’s a tragedy. No question. Now let me ask you: why did you choose NewsNetwork 10? Did you feel more comfortable talking with the news team voted “Most Trusted News Team” in the Tri-County Shopper’s annual Readers’ Poll?

KELLY: “Most Trusted” three years in a row, Arch.

ARCHER: Ha ha. You won’t hear me bragging, Kelly. But Kyle, people are asking: “Why NewsNetwork 10?” Were you confident that only the NewsNetwork 10 team could present your story with the compassion it deserves? Were you as shocked and saddened as the rest of us by the insensitive remarks ActionCenter NBC8 anchor Curt Custer made about the Arby’s tragedy on last Tuesday’s newscast?

KYLE: Uh, I don’t know. The fact is, some good people died that night, Archer. I don’t want the world to forget that.

ARCHER: Without a doubt. Some folks are calling you a hero, Kyle. Is that a word you’d use to describe yourself? A lot of people want to call me a hero for being first on the scene with late breaking news as it happens, in real time. But the way I see it, I’m just a simple newsman doing my job. How about you, though? Are you a hero?

KYLE: Well, I don’t know about “hero.” I just did what seemed right at the time. I knew that there were people in danger and I was really just acting on instinct.

ARCHER: Exactly. It’s like I said, I’m no hero either. Just a simple newsman. Doing my job.

KYLE: Am I supposed to…

ARCHER: Let me take you back to that night, Kyle. You step out of the walk-in cooler and the Arby’s is filled with clouds of thick black smoke. People are screaming; they’re panicking. Without thinking, you grab Theresa Duntz and race for the exit. Flames are licking at your dirty Arby’s shoes, burning embers are falling onto the shoulders of your threadbare Arby’s uniform, the heat is unimaginable. In the midst of all that chaos, did it ever cross your mind, even for a moment, that you’d be on TV talking to NewsNetwork 10’s Archer Sterling just six days later?

KYLE: Um, I didn’t…I wasn’t really thinking about any of that, I guess.

ARCHER: From the night shift at Arby’s to this. A simple guy like you. It’s an incredible story. And as a testament to your valiant bravery in the face of extreme peril without any regard for your own personal safety, we’d like to invite you to stick around and introduce the NewsNetwork 10 “Perfect 10” Pet Corner Pet Photo of the Week.

KYLE: Okay.

ARCHER: Thank you, Kyle. When we return, we’ll get a visit from the cat that many are calling…a hero. It’s a story you’ll only see on NewsNetwork 10: Where more people get the news that matters, first. Updates every hour, and traffic and weather on the…do you want to do it, Kyle?

KYLE: 5s and 9s.

ARCHER: Ha ha. We’ll be back with traffic and weather on the 5s and 9s.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Schools In Crisis: Are Our Children Learning Good?

I was watching my local news scroll of school closings and delays and to my horror, I saw the following listing: NO AM KINDERGARTEN. I was outraged! Even a preschool teacher should know that it's NO IS KINDERGARTEN, or preferably NO, ISN'T KINDERGARTEN.

Schools, I'm watching you.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Confessions of a Book Lover

I love books. Love 'em. Sometimes after I finish reading a book, I'll hold it in front of me, bury my head deep into it and just breathe in its essence (Fun Fact: Many books smell kind of like Fritos!) You know what else I'll do sometimes? I'll take off all my clothes and pile a bunch of books all around me. I'll sit very still and pretend that I'm a book too, just sitting on a shelf with all my brethren. We watch and we wait, hoping that the next passer-by will select one of us. "Pick me! Pick me!" I'll shout. "I'm the best one! I'm a Victorian-era coming of age novel! I've got gorgeous imagery!" Until then, we remained locked in the eternal brotherhood of bookdom. We sit, frozen in time in a place between being and unbeing. Existing in a state of otherworldliness - unbroken by human interference. We contain oceans! We contain mountains! We offer you bliss and misery! We bring you worlds of pain and pestilence! We bring you unbounded hate! Crack our spines! Taste our fetid meat! Enter us! Penetrate us! Feast on our black souls!

I guess what I'm saying is, in this crazy messed-up world of ours, books are about the only things that keep me sane.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

This I Believe

You know how every once in a while, out of nowhere, you’ll catch a strange scent in the air, or get a weird taste in your mouth, and it’s accompanied by an urgent, suddenly all-consuming thought like, “If I were to eat a spoonful of ranch dressing right now, it would give me super powers.” The only possible explanation for this is that’s it’s absolutely the truth. At that moment, while you believed it, ranch dressing would have given you the the superstrength and the ability to fly. And you blew it. Like usual.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

A Letter From My Future Self

At Monkey Bicycle.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Grad School Snaps

The second in an ongoing series.
Sorted by discipline.


American History

"Your momma's so bald, she has more wigs than Congress during the Zachary Taylor administration!"

Grad School Snaps is a joint production of Blogger.com and McTurnbuckle Enterprises. Made possible thanks to a generous grant from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, and the support of readers like you.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Whatshisname

My grasp of foreign languages isn't perfect, but if I'm translating it correctly, I think "Shia Labeouf" would be a great name for a French pornstar.

Either way, he could have starred in Holes.